Letting Go

by Marilyn Kirvin

Yesterday the Catholic Church celebrated the Feast of the Annunciation. The Gospel for that day, “and the Angel said to Mary, do not be afraid….” is one of my favorite readings in Scripture. Over my desk I have a print that I love of the painting “The Annunciation,” by African-American painter Henry Osawa Tanner - unlike in some portrayals of this moment, Mary here looks like a woman in her early teens… and her expression is not one of fear, but of curiosity, wonder… “How can this be?” (to see it, go to http://www.philamuseum.org/collections/permanent/104384.html )

Often we think of this story as being associated with Christmas, but listening to the reading yesterday, so close to Holy Week, I thought instead of how , when she said “yes” to the angel’s invitation to bear a son, Mary could not have known that her yes would one day lead to watching her son as he was executed as a political prisoner. Mary, like all of us, could not see into the future… she only had that moment in which to respond, and so she said that yes – trusting somehow in the God who called her, and letting go of knowing and controlling, all the rest.

Perhaps I am thinking about Mary a bit more this week because last Saturday my oldest son moved to Corvallis to start school. He is excited, as am I for him, for he has worked hard to make this happen, and I think he’s as prepared as can be at this point. But I can remember holding him when he was a baby, and not being able to imagine that he wouldn’t be with me forever (fortunately, of course, living with a teenager tempers this desire for them never to leave home). And yet, when the time came, I did it, just like every parent does it, as every person does it when it’s time. It’s not that we don’t worry, of course. But we have to let go, and trust in God’s grace and mercy.

As a spiritual director, I suspect that the challenge of letting go and trusting God is a theme that comes up in almost every conversation that I have with the people who see me. It is there for women in their 60’s caring for parents with dementia, and in men whose marriages are ending. It is the challenge for people who are losing employment in this economy, those who are struggling with addiction, and those who grieve the passing of a loved one. It is even what underlies every time we are called – to parenthood, to marriage, to a new ministry or a new town, to retirement - we are also being called to letting go. It is what we hear from Jesus on the cross: Into Your hands I commend my Spirit….

As we enter in Holy Week, then, we will walk with Jesus on his journey of letting go… of his mission, his friends, his sense of closeness to God, and his very life. As we hear these stories, may we find inspiration there for our own journeys of trust, and may we know that we are not alone - that Jesus, his mother, his disciples, all those who have gone before us, and those who pray with us are on the same journey, accompanied by our loving God.

The Experience of Pilgrimage

During the past two weeks, three of us from the Franciscan Spiritual Center had the opportunity to accompany eleven other people on a pilgrimage trip to Assisi and Rome, Italy. This was the second pilgrimage trip sponsored by our center and appears to have been a successful endeavor to those who participated.
The experience of traveling to holy and historic sites in Europe is a marvelous way to meet others and share meaningful dialogue. Places where St. Francis of Assisi and St. Clare routinely lived and wandered were simultaneously very spiritual and impressive. We had the benefit of learning a great deal about both saints through the lens of Sr. Mary Jo Chaves who has spent a lifetime in study and contemplation of Franciscan theology. Through her descriptions we could feel the holy presence of both Francis and Clare which allowed us to more fully understand their continuing impact on people throughout the world. The pilgrimage sites in Assisi continue to draw large crowds of the faithful in spite of the fact that they lived in the twelfth century.
Having been on three pilgrimage trips I know that such a trip changes one’s perspective. It is impossible to go and not feel the challenges that saint’s encounter as they make their spiritual journeys. To see the adverse conditions that Francis willingly chose to endure in his devotion to the Gospel message was indeed remarkable. Through the stories of Francis and Clare I learned about their love of God, love for their fellow religious and loyalty to their church. The strongest message that I returned with is that the tough choices they made were made willingly and with love for their fellow human beings. Francis of Assisi is known for his rather peculiar behavior during his lifetime but there can be no doubting of his devotion to God and the Gospel message. The willingness on both his and St. Clare’s part to challenge authority when necessary to remain faithful to their vocations is a fine lesson to all.
Most of us probably don’t know of any future saints in our midst but we can learn more about remaining faithful to our values and what we believe from those who have gone before us. To me, being a saint is less about performing miracles but is all about following one’s convictions to lead a life of kindness filled with hope and gratitude. Francis and Clare embodied those characteristics and continue to influence thousands of people yearly in the beauty of the Italian countryside. How lucky were we to experience the sanctity of their homeland and to gain a better understanding of why we call them saints.

Write Now

It doesn’t have to be
the blue iris, it could be
weeds in a vacant lot, or a few
small stones; just
pay attention, then patch

a few words together and don’t try
to make them elaborate, this isn’t
a contest but the doorway

into thanks, and a silence in which
another voice may speak.

-Mary Oliver


… a silence in which another voice may speak. To whom does that other voice belong? To what? I know that for me, that other voice is my inner voice. Writing and journaling offers one an opportunity to share, learn, and remember. It is a sort of stirring of the soul, but more than that it is a chance to feel. Journaling, recollection, gives you an opportunity to savor events past and present. Writing gives you that chance to describe to the reader every minute detail. You could either write about how you went for a walk and stopped to smell the roses OR you could say:

I went for a walk this morning, an opportunity that has been lacking all winter. I stepped outside into a freshness that reminds me spring is on the way. There were just enough clouds and enough sun that I left the sweater at home. I so look forward to when these walks can happen more frequently. You can see evidence of spring already. Crocuses and their delicate green leaves are forcing their way through the soil. You can see the starts of the daffodils and tulips too, a sort of floral calendar that unfolds its way to summer. Summer seems so distant when you afternoons are currently occupied with splashing in puddles. But summer offers the chance to take said walk at the Rose Garden. How glorious is it that we have this in our city. What a wondrous gathering of roses with their velvety soft petals and over protective thorns. They always lure us in with that sweet, decadent smell.

Doesn’t that sound much more worthy of reading again than some sort of hand written log of days. Embrace writing! I have recently started to embrace it again. I took a 10 year hiatus. One writing exercise offered me a chance to write about coffee for 10 minutes, or rain, or a memory I have about being on a bicycle. There are so many memories inside, wouldn’t it be nice to get them all out? The good, the bad and the ugly. I know that I am finding it therapeutic. Natalie Goldberg tells us, “You have the right to write it down. Throw it out, rip it up, swallow it down. Build up a capacity to bear up- don’t let fear run your writing life. Hide your notebook in a good place.” The key is to keep writing and get it all out, I am.

Books to try out:
Old Friend From Far Away By: Natalie Goldberg
With Pen in Hand By: Henriette Anne Klauser
Journaling as a Spiritual Practice By: Helen Cepero

Happy New Year and Decade

By Sr. Mary Jo Chaves

A new year is upon us; in fact a whole new decade is upon us. As I reflect on this, I wonder how I might live more fully and well into this second decade of the twenty-first century. I didn’t make “New Year’s Resolutions” this year. Rather, I decided to take a close look at what was already available to me without adding something “new.”

I am reminded of Paula D’Arcy’s quote: “God comes to us disguised as our life.” What is there in my life that might be a fuller expression of my call to be Christian and Franciscan? A sense of hospitality is the first thing that comes to mind. Every day I meet many people -- from those I see for spiritual direction to the grocery clerk I meet as I buy a forgotten item for dinner that evening. If I am following in the footsteps of Jesus, then the challenge is to be hospitable to all.

That really came home to me the first week of January. My brother-in-law died of a heart attack at age 90. He certainly lived a full and fruitful life. Immediate relatives numbered in the hundreds! As I walked with my sister through his funeral and our letting go of him, hospitality became primary – a hug for this grandchild, an understanding heart for a daughter who needed to talk, a patient listening to all who wanted to be sure everything was just “perfect” for the Mass of Christian Burial, and holding my sister close in my heart as she let go of her husband of 30 years. In each of these people I saw reflected back to me who Christ is and who I am. My hands and my heart were to be the hands and heart of Christ with deep genuine hospitality.

Another way to take a close look at my Christian Franciscan living is to look at my prayer practice. When the bed seems warm and cozy on these chilly winter mornings, it is a choice to get up and sit in quiet with my Beloved. It is a choice to join my community in Morning Prayer. It is a choice to pray with and for my directees. It is a choice to offer a prayer for peace to each person I meet as St. Francis of Assisi did. His greeting was always: “Peace be with you.” Francis did not pray; Francis became his prayer. That is my desire as well.

Finally, in looking at my life, I decided to take a new look at my own self-care. The commandment reads to “love your neighbor as you love yourself. That is a tall order! Getting adequate rest, eating nutritiously and exercising regularly are not things that can wait. Each day is my choice; this body I have is mine to cherish and to love. Having just recovered from a nasty cold, I am certainly in greater appreciation of my good health!

So, I invite you to take a look at this New Year 2010. What does the decade hold out for you? If you were accused of being a Christian come 2020 would there be enough evidence to convict you? Blessings on your journey!

God, Please Show Me the Way

by: Marilyn Kirvin

People are making choices all the time. Sometimes the choices are major ones, such as “should I marry this person?,” or “should I take this job in Alaska or stay where I am”? Other times our choices are smaller ones, like “do I take this evening class or spend more time with my kids?” or “do I volunteer for this cause that I care about or do something creative that I enjoy?” And then there are the ongoing decisions that we all make every day, about our budgets, our health, our friendships, and so on.

In reflecting on my own record of making choices (it is checkered, at best), and those of the people who’ve seen me for spiritual direction, it seems to me that this whole area is fraught with confusion. Sometimes we don’t even think to bring God into our choice-making processes – the things we’re making choices about seem so small – does God really care about such things? At other times, we just aren’t sure how to “access” God’s guidance – praying, perhaps, for a “sign,” or making lists of pro’s and con’s, and hoping we’ll somehow be shown the next step. All of this brings up questions: Does God have a “will” for me? Is there a right choice (God’s will) and a wrong choice, and if I make the wrong choice, will my life be ruined? And, again, does God even care what I do?

Ignatius of Loyola, the founder of the Jesuits, struggled with these questions himself. After his conversion experience, he found himself trying to figure out what to do with the rest of his life. Some of the stories of his early choice-making are rather comical (he was sure he was being called to minister in the Holy Land, but as soon as he got there, the Franciscans in charge immediately put him back on a boat heading home), but through his experiences he honed a method of listening and choosing that can be supremely useful to individuals, couples and groups in our own time.

The Ignatian practice of Discernment offers practical ways in which to prayerfully consider our choices, and ask God to give us light and guidance. Author Elizabeth Liebert writes, “Discernment is the process of intentionally becoming aware of how God is present, active, and calling us as individuals and communities so that we can respond with increasingly greater faithfulness.”

This method of discernment also can help groups who are making decisions about issues. Often church groups want their choices to be guided by God, but because we don’t know how to make God’s guidance accessible to us, we begin with a prayer for God’s blessing, and then let other things, such as finances or practicality, guide us. Ignatian discernment seeks to bring every part of a decision to the table – including finances and practicality – and then ask God to help our choices to be in line with God’s choices for us and for our communities.

The Franciscan Spiritual Center is offering a series on Ignatian Discernment on five consecutive Wednesday evenings, beginning January 13. In the series we will learn a process for an integrated listening for God’s presence in our life experiences and decisions, prayerfully consider guidelines for discernment taught by St. Ignatius, and experience small group sharing and support. For more information, go to http://www.francisspctr.com/prayful-dicernment.php

Holidays: The best and worst of times

By Mary Erickson

As we progress in the anticipation of one of the holiest seasons of the liturgical year, we are reminded daily of the joy and angst this time of year brings to all of us. The media constantly bombards us with the realities of broken relationships, depressed people led to violent acts against themselves or others and the knowledge of those people who don’t have enough food to eat or shelter from the winter cold. This year the economic woes throughout the world have brought the stark reality of having to do with less and, in many cases, having to do without completely.

All of this should be enough to deal with but too often we have the struggles that occur within families throughout the year, and the holidays seem to magnify troubled relationships in the context of our expectations. Don’t all of us look back fondly on a Christmas scene from our childhood and wish we could recreate the warmth, happiness and loving spirit that we felt as children? I can remember being four years old and peeking out and watching my father put together a rocking horse for me, wondering why my dad was doing that because Santa was coming that night! Alas, my reverie was soon broken when my older brother, nine years old, told me that Daddy was Santa. That revelation was probably my first and most memorable disappointment in the holiday season.

Five decades have passed and with each passing year it is more apparent that those good old days that seem so precious really were elusive and a projection of all my desires for tightly-knit and happy family. For me, the vision of a Norman Rockwell family scene didn’t exist and all my wishing for it simply didn’t produce the image. What I had was a family of people who loved each other but couldn’t always get along very well and for whom the holidays only seemed to exacerbate our dysfunctional relationships.

Advent is a season of hope that encourages each of us to trust in the goodness of each other and to see that through our humanity we have the potential to bring about positive change if only we try. The good news of the coming of the Christ child symbolizes the opportunity to begin again in spite of the challenges and hardships we face. If there is one thing that I have learned it is that my vision of a perfect and loving family is probably not very realistic. What I know for sure is that I have a family of strong-willed individuals who at this point are blessed with good jobs, good health and each other. For that I am immensely grateful and I pray that our time spent together will be loving and a reflection of caring and kindness towards each other. If it doesn’t pass the Norman Rockwell family scene test, I am fine with it. I will know that we tried and there is always hope for next year. Blessings for a happy and holy holiday season!!

Flu Season Allows Time To Be, To Reflect

By Sister Guadalupe Medina
I used to think we had only four seasons: fall, winter, spring and summer. But I realize now that we have a new season called the Flu Season, and its exact date for starting has not been established or put on the calendar.

Recently I entered into the Flu season and had unexpected days off. During those days I did not find myself wanting to go shopping, or prepare anything special. I simply just wanted to get better.

Much to my surprise I found myself enjoying the days off more than when I get holiday days off. Perhaps it was because these days were not planned, they just happened. I found myself spending more time in silence and wondering hmmmm . . . did Jesus ever get the flu?

I don’t know how many of you ever wondered that, but I found myself asking over and over again “If we say Jesus was human in every way but sin, does that mean he never got ill? If he did get ill, how did Mary as mother deal with it. Did she make him a nice cup or bowl of soup? Did she take him to the doctor for a check up to make sure it wasn’t anything serious? Did she rely on her mother’s healing remedies? How did Jesus manage to give so many talks and not lose his voice, which is what happened to me?

I realize the questions might seems silly to some people, but seriously, have any of you ever wondered whether Jesus got sick and, if so, how it was dealt with? Let’s face it, in his time period they did not have the advanced medical technology and specialized doctors and medicine advertisements, etc. like we do today. So what do you suppose they did?

As I used the days to enter into the silence of my being, I found myself recalling the home remedies my parents used on us kids when we were growing up and how miraculously it seemed we were healed. My dad was a simple man of deep faith who, I recalled, said that the ideas he received came to him while in prayer. He trusted and followed what he heard, and mother trusted him, and together they administered the remedies to us and we got healed. Each time, I recalled, they said a prayer. A simple prayer which I must admit I say each time I take medication: “En el nombre de Dios” (In the name of God).

As I spent the days recovering, I began to see them in a positive way -- positive in the sense the days allowed me to “just be.” They reminded me of the need for taking care of one’s body and how precious and fragile life is. They reminded me of the need to trust and not lose hope, and how, despite all the medical advanced technology and medicine on the market, the flu season -- like the other seasons -- has a beauty and purpose that perhaps we may not fully ever understand.